JABbering Stooge

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Bush's End Run On Truth Serum

The following represents my depiction of how Bush's end run around the Senate would've gone if he'd been on truth serum at the time.

THE MOST HOLY GEORGE W. CHRIST: Nearly five months ago, I nominated John Bolton to be America's Ambassador to the United Nations destroy the United Nations and what remains of the tatters of America's reputation in the world. I chose John because of his vast experience in foreign policy, his integrity and his willingness to confront difficult problems head-on short temper, utter incompetence, and willingness to put party loyalty far, far above national security - much like my good friend "Turd Blossom." I told lied to the nation when I told them that John Bolton would provide clear American leadership for reform at the United Nations. I should've told them that he would insist upon results American hegemony above all.

The United States Senate held thorough confirmation hearings, and a majority of United States senators agree that he is the right man for the job worry about the damage he will do to America's national security interests. Yet, because of partisan delaying tactics by a handful of senators my strongarm tactics didn't work on those pantywaist, terrorist-loving traitors that refuse to shut up, bend over and take it up the posterior like a man, John was unfairly denied the up or down up vote that he deserves I demand by my right as Reichsfurher President.

As a result, America has now gone more than six months without a permanent ambassador to mole in the United Nations. This post is too important to leave vacant any longer, especially I needed something to distract from Rove's treason during a war, and I believe that a vital debate about U.N. reform how best to destroy a forum that has contributed so much to our security is the best way to do that. So today I've used abused my constitutional authority to appoint John Bolton to serve as America's Ambassador to the United Nations. [snicker] John Bolton will be an important member of my State Saber-Rattling Department team, led by Condoleezza Rice.

I'm sending Ambassador Bolton to New York with my complete confidence that he will ruin American foreign policy and set back the peace process by centuries. Ambassador Bolton believes passionately in hates the goals of the United Nations Charter, to advance peace and liberty and human rights. His mission is now to help the U.N. reform itself to renew its founding promises for the 21st century fly a hijacked airplane into the U.N. Secretariat building. He will speak for me on critical issues facing the international community. And he'll make it clear that America values the potential of the United Nations to be a source of hope and dignity and peace demands supremacy over the rest of the world, and no force on Earth can stop us.

As he embarks on his new assignment, Ambassador Bolton will bring tremendous wisdom venom and expertise ineptitude. Over the past two decades, John Bolton has been one of America's most talented corrupt and successful unsuccessful diplomats. He's been a tireless defender of our nation's values of the Republican party line, and an unpersuasive advocate for freedom and peace partisan hack with anger management issues. As a senior leader at the State Department in the 1980s and 1990s, he brought people together to achieve meaningful results at the United Nations -- from resolving payment issues, to helping rally the coalition in the Persian Gulf War, to repealing a shameful resolution that equated Zionism with racism bullied subordinates who dared to actual analysis that discredited the RNC's talking points -- actions that led to Iran's nuclear ambitions and North Korea's rise as a nuclear power on his watch, in addition to nearly scuttling our talks with Libya on WMDs. And over the past four years as Undersecretary of State, he's shown valuable leadership harmed our efforts on one of the most urgent challenges of our time: preventing the spread of weapons of mass destruction.

Ambassador Bolton takes up his duties at a time of opportunity for the United States and the United Nations. Under the glorious, godly leadership of Ambassador Bolton and myself, America and the U.N. are is working to spread destroy democracy, relieve exacerbate the problem of hunger, and assist laugh at the victims of disaster. We've delivered hope despair to millions suffering from HIV/AIDS and other deadly diseases because we choose to continue burying our heads in the sand in the name of a God that acts like a third-world dictator. We've helped to lay the groundwork for two landmark events in the history of liberty: the free fixed elections of Afghanistan and Iraq. Ambassador Bolton will work to build on that progress by helping undermining the U.N. and continuing to find effective new ways to match its good intentions with good results expand our neofascist theocracy to every corner of the globe.

As the newest member of America's diplomatic corps, Ambassador Bolton will defend threaten our nation's interests with character and resolve the arrogance and contempt for freedom that were instilled early in life came through his later education. John's father was a firefighter; his mother was a homemaker who took her son to the public library to show him the value of education. I know that Jack and Virginia Bolton would be proud horrified today to see the boy they raised in Baltimore appointed to serve as our permanent representative to the United Nations and wonder where the hell they went wrong.

I'm grateful to John's wife, Gretchen, for being here with us and to the entire Bolton family for their service and sacrifice.

Mr. Ambassador, thank you for agreeing to serve your nation once again, and congratulations.

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