JABbering Stooge

Monday, April 18, 2005

Next Editorial, Please

Submitted for your perusal is a copy of my next editorial. I figured people might like to see the original, because the version that will appear in the student newspaper I write for will likely be cut in half, with important details omitted as the rest dies a slow, painful death due to hack drag-n-drop treatment of the word order.

GOP to America: Do as I Say, Not as I Do

For the life of me, I cannot understand what drives conservative pundits and their fans to so brazenly commit the rhetorical sin of hypocrisy in the service of their groupthink-driven narrative of how America is and how it should be. Nevertheless, the fact remains that such hypocrisy exists, and that it should be dealt with in the only way possible: exposing it to the light of day and hoping that you, the reader, are armed with the knowledge needed to survive the coming Uncivil War.

Nowhere has this rank hypocrisy been more evident than in the political circus over Terri Schiavo. As Terri’s life ebbed away after numerous identical court decisions by mostly conservative Republican judges, supporters of Schiavo’s parents took matters into their own hands. These are people who so care about life that one man put out a $250,000 hit on Terri’s husband (with a $50 grand bonus for bagging Judge Greer) and another tried to steal a gun from a Florida gun store to “take some action and rescue Terri Schiavo.” Even Sean “I’m gonna pound [Congressman Jim Moran (D-VA)]” Hannity came a bit unglued. Amid all this, the Michigan legislature was considering a bill that, while targeted against abortion, was so vaguely worded as to allow doctors to refuse to treat gays.

“Culture of life,” indeed.

Speaking of inciting violence, in the wake of Schiavo’s death, Tom “Sex tourism is America at its best” DeLay threatened the judges who decided the Schiavo case saying that “The time will come for the men responsible for this to answer for their behavior” while Sen. John Cornyn displayed a staggering ignorance of statistics in order to justify the recent spate of violence against judges. Meanwhile, Eric Rudolph justified his bombing of abortion clinics, gay bars and the Olympics by saying that law enforcement is “[a] legitimate target” in anti-abortion activities and that “every effort should be made, including force if necessary” to keep treating homosexuals as second-class citizens. The worst liberals can do is throw pies at Ann “Take a baseball bat to liberals” Coulter and take the phrase “Dressing down Pat Buchanan” a little too literally.

Liberals are the ultra-violent ones, indeed.

But to hear the story in the mainstream media, the only ones acting out are those whose political inclinations lie to the left of Torquemada. This is the same media that covers for a Republican shill pretending to be a journalist and overhypes controversy over a sloppily researched story about Bush’s National Guard service and buries the all-too-true story of a conservative pundit’s illegal outing of a CIA operative.

“Liberal” media bias, indeed.

This same media fawns over Sen. Bill Frist’s efforts, aided by the American Inquisition, to equate a non-rubber stamp Senate with persecuting Christians – all while we’re killing upwards of a hundred thousand residents of the Middle East whose only crime was belief in the wrong god, to hear General Boykin put it.

Religious freedom, indeed.

Not satisfied with near total control of America’s political, economic and news institutions, these same conservatives are agitating for control over America’s education system. Witness the College Republicans who published lists of professors “pushing a political agenda.” But these aren’t blacklists, if you ignore the fact that the bulk of the professors on the lists are liberal, and that the token conservatives receive very mild rebukes, while the lion’s share of the venom is reserved for the liberals. And let’s not forget the bill in Florida’s state legislature that allows students to sue professors for political bias.

Academic freedom, indeed.

So what is a freedom lover like yourself to do? Stay tuned to this space for further details.

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